


Safe

by fawnbinary



Series: Possession [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Safewords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8831206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawnbinary/pseuds/fawnbinary
Summary: It’s only been a few days since it happened, hardly a week has passed, but it’s every night. Every night he wakes up in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf and on the verge of tears.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! sorry for the slight delay, id been sick recently which had given me time to post the last two parts, but im back at work now so i have little time to write. ill still be posting regularly though dont worry! anyways, enjoy! more to be posted soon!

For winter break, they go back to Sugawara’s family’s home. The rest of his family had decided to travel for the first two weeks that they’re supposed to be there, but Sugawara doesn’t mind. They could use the alone time away from campus to unwind together after a very… stressful end to the semester. 

He’s lying awake in Oikawa’s arms, trying to bury the anxiety ridden dreams that had plagued him all night, when Oikawa finally stirs. Fingers press into his back and slide up, twisting through his hair as Oikawa sighs. 

“Good morning, star.” 

Sugawara relaxes into his touch, hums softly when those fingers move back down to rub his back. 

“Morning, how’d you sleep?” 

He pulls back a bit to look at Sugawara, “Wonderful, I had all kinds of nice dreams.” He grins suggestively. 

Sugawara flushes a little, not meeting his eyes. Oikawa notices his tension. He frowns and presses a kiss to his forehead. 

“You didn’t sleep well?” He shakes his head, Oikawa sighs. “It was me, wasn’t it?”

He looks up at him finally, takes a deep breath. It’s only been a few days since it happened, hardly a week has passed, but it’s every night. Every night he wakes up in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf and on the verge of tears. Oikawa has been great through it all, doing his best to comfort him and give him space when he needs it. 

“It was just a dream, I’ll be okay. They’ll stop eventually.”

Oikawa doesn’t seem convinced, but he thankfully drops the issue. He’s certain they’ll stop eventually. He’s… not over it, but he’s forgiven Oikawa. They’re moving past what happened, so they can both get better.

“Let’s go on a date.” Oikawa breaks his train of thought, suddenly rolling them over so that Sugawara is on top of him, “A big, romantic date. Get all dressed up and go somewhere nice.”

He looks excited, and it’s honestly a refreshing thought. Their first date had been, well, pretty terrible. Started off nice, but ended on a sour note. Sugawara leans down and kisses him, smiling softly. 

“Where do you want to go?”

\---

They end up just going to a regular restaurant, neither of them really having the funds for something big and grand. It’s nice though, quiet and secluded and romantic, just like they’d wanted. Oikawa orders for them both, picking something he’s adamant that Sugawara will absolutely love, and they spend the night just joking around and having a good time. They get their food and Oikawa was right, Sugawara does love it. He insists on picking dessert. Sugawara’s having fun- real, genuine, relaxed fun- when Oikawa says something that makes him almost choke on his drink.

“So when are we going to talk about a safeword?”

He has to take a second to gather himself, flushed red all the way to the tips of his ears. 

“I, uh, I don’t think now is a good time for… that. I’m still- I need more time.”

Thankfully, Oikawa doesn’t look upset. Just worried. He sighs, “If you  _ really  _ don’t think you’re ready, then that’s fine. I’m not going to push you.” His voice is strained a little, and Sugawara knows it’s a lot for him to talk about what he did, “But it might help, y’know. With the nightmares.”

Sugawara pokes at the crumbs on his plate, thinking it over. He knows they need to talk more, need to actually address it instead of letting it plague him every night. He’s just- he’s nervous about it. About trying anything again. About… being pushed too far. He trusts Oikawa, he really does, but it’s hard to move forward with it. No matter how much he trusts and loves him, that anxiety will still sit at the back of his mind and eat away at him.

“Okay.” He finally says, taking a deep breath and setting his fork down. “But not- not here. Let’s go home.”

Oikawa reaches across the table and takes his hand, brings it up to his lips and presses a kiss to his palm. He looks relieved.

“Thank you.”

\---

They change out of their clothes and into something more comfortable, then make their way onto the couch with a very large and very fluffy blanket, and mugs full of tea. Sugawara makes himself at home in Oikawa’s lap, sipping at his drink a bit before he starts.

“I like when you get all possessive.” He says hesitantly. Oikawa doesn’t respond, just rubs his arm soothingly and lets him speak, “I like when you’re rough, and I-I like when it hurts, sometimes. But sometimes I don’t. Or won’t. Like- like before.”

He pauses again, taking slow, steady breaths. Oikawa takes the chance to say something. 

“That’s why we need a safeword, so that you can… So I know to stop.” 

It’s obvious that they’re both feeling uptight, that this is difficult. But it needs to be talked about.

Sugawara turns around a bit in his arms, just enough so he can face him halfway. He cups Oikawa’s face with his free hand, turning his head until their eyes meet. Oikawa looks pained. He frowns, kisses him gently.

“I promise I’ll stop, if you need me to, I will, I swear.” 

Sugawara shushes him, fingers tugging through his hair in an attempt to calm him.

“I know you will, I trust you.” He does, he really does, “I um, I did actually- I did some research, I guess. Looking into safewords.”

Oikawa nods, “You’re in charge with this one.”

That’s a relief. A huge one. He doesn’t really like being in charge normally, prefers to let Oikawa take the lead and follow along, but this is something he’s happy to do. Needs to do, for his own peace of mind. 

“We could have a word, a word I wouldn’t otherwise say, that means stop, completely. Or there’s lights?” He’s doing better talking about it than he’d expected, keeps going. “Red to stop, completely stop, yellow to slow down. Like, uh, if I’m getting overwhelmed, but just need to take it easier. Do something else? And green to keep going, of course.”

He watches Oikawa’s face carefully, gauges his reactions to it all. He looks thoughtful.

“And you want to go with the lights, right?” 

Sugawara shifts on his lap, nods. “Yes. It’s… more effective.”

Oikawa stares at him a moment, then sets his mug down and takes Sugawara’s face in his hands. He presses in, kissing him firmly. Sugawara inhales sharply, but doesn’t pull back, whining a little when Oikawa deepens the kiss, tongue drawing his out and licking him apart. He’s a little dizzy when Oikawa finally breaks it, head spinning and face flushed with desire. They haven’t kissed like that since that day, having kept everything to chaste kisses and careful touches.

“Better?”

He examines his face, the twinkle in his eyes and the quirk of his lips. He looks playful, and Sugawara’s lips finally break into a grin. The anxiety that had nested itself in the back of his mind is still there, will probably always be there, but it’s quelled for now, shoved down so small it can be ignored in favor of being happy and relaxed and in love.

“Much better.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for safeword use and rape flashbacks, otherwise enjoy!

It’s too much.

Everything is too much. All of it. Oikawa’s hand on his hips, in his hair, pulling tight, too tight. Yanking his head back so he can’t hold anything in, crying and moaning and choking on his own spit. The feeling of him inside of him, thrusting hard and unforgiving. The darkness. Too much, too much. He can’t breathe, can’t see or speak, can’t get the words out, he needs to get them out, needs to say it, but he can’t, he just _can’t_.

_“You brought this on yourself, next time maybe you’ll be good.”_

No, no, he can’t, he was good, he’s always good, but he can’t, it’s too much, he needs to stop, needs to get away, needs to call it, can’t speak. Red, red, red, red, _red-_

Sugawara shoots up in his bed, eyes wide and breathing fast. He’s still reeling from the dream, thoughts frenzied and heart beating out of his chest. It was a dream. Just a dream. He yelps at the feeling of warm hands suddenly on his face, can feel Oikawa’s breath against his lips even if he can’t see him.

“Koushi, what is it, what’s wrong?”

He’s trembling, leaning into the touch and shutting his eyes, trying to be calm. He needs a light, he can’t see, it’s too much, reminds him too much of before. He can’t move still, frozen in fear in his spot. Those words are ringing in his ears, over and over again. His fault. He brought it on himself, he should’ve been good.

Light floods the room and Oikawa’s face fills his vision. He looks scared, eyes wild with worry. Sugawara swallows down his own anxiety, forcing thoughts of the other night into his mind. Of their date, having fun together and then finally talking. Finally starting to be okay.

“Koushi.” He takes a deep breath, meet’s Oikawa’s eyes. “Was it the dream again?”

He nods, tears stinging his eyes.

“I’m s-sorry, I can’t help it, I’m-”

“No, shh,” He kisses his forehead, “It’s okay, it’s normal, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

It takes a few minutes, but he finally relaxes under Oikawa’s touches, going limp in his arms. They don’t move for a while, until Sugawara sighs and looks up to kiss Oikawa’s chin. Oikawa smiles down at him and kisses his nose in return.“Are you feeling better now?” Sugawara nods, and he looks relieved. “Wanna go back to sleep?”

He hesitates to answer that. If he goes back to sleep, it’s very likely he’ll have those dreams again. But if he could just…

Would Oikawa want to?

The thought makes him nervous. To ask him. He’d be asking him, telling him he wants to, but after before… Well, neither of them have made any sort of move to do anything, even after their talk a few days ago. He takes a deep breath, steels himself for any kind of reaction.

“No, I- I want to um,” He flushes bright red, “Can we have sex?”

He hears the sharp inhale, chances a glance up at Oikawa’s face. He looks. Surprised. Embarrassed? His face is turning as pink as Sugawara’s, and it’s honestly very endearing. The urge to kiss him surges through him, and he presses forward without a word, doing exactly that. Oikawa doesn’t respond under his lips though, and anxiety courses through him as he pulls back.

It must show on his face, because seconds later, Oikawa is stammering, “No, Koushi, I didn’t mean it like that, I just-”

“Am I no good?”

“No, stop, you are perfect, you are beautiful and amazing and- Koushi please, don’t cry.”

He sounds heartbroken, but Sugawara can’t help it. He tries desperately to wipe at his tears, shaking again. Oikawa bats his hands away and leans in, kissing his temple first and then moving down over tear streaked skin to his lips. He pauses there, then presses their lips together slowly. It reminds Sugawara of the night they talked, of Oikawa kissing him until he was smiling and laughing again. It’s soothing.

Once he’s finally calmed again, Oikawa pulls back to look at him.

“I want to have sex with you, I just. I want to know that you’re ready. For sure.”

He nods, considers what Oikawa said. He’s not sure if he’s ready, but that won’t stop him from trying, so he tells him that.

“I might not be ready, it may take more time for me to be ready, but I want to try, and I want to- to make you feel good.”

Oikawa breaks into a grin, reaching to grasp his chin and pull his face up, kissing him firmly.

“I’m gonna make _you_ feel good.”

Sugawara shudders at his tone, the sudden change in mood. This is what he’d wanted. Relaxed, easy, fun.

He gasps when Oikawa’s hand is suddenly pushing into his pajama pants, past his boxers, fingers curling loosely around his dick. He whines, not quite hard yet but definitely getting there. Oikawa strokes him slowly, finds his lips again and drowns them both in a deep kiss. Sugawara moves his tongue against Oikawa’s, fists clenched in his shirt.

“Feel good?”

He nods quickly, shouting a little in surprise when Oikawa hoists him into his lap fully, lips trailing down to his neck. They’re far more gentle than usual, sucking lightly at the skin of his jaw. He digs his nails into Oikawa’s skin through his shirt, almost a little frustrated. He knows Oikawa's trying to be considerate, trying to make him comfortable again, but he doesn’t want to be treated like he’s fragile. He huffs, pushing Oikawa away from him. His movements stop, and wide eyes turn up to his.

“Suga, are you-”

“I’m _fine_.” He sighs, “But I’m not made of glass, I want you to push me. That’s why we have a- a safeword.”

He shoves down the unease his brain is pushing onto him at the thought of Oikawa being rough with him. It’s what he wants, what he knows Oikawa wants.

Oikawa regards him cautiously, seems hesitant for a moment, but he finally nods.

“Okay. But if you start to feel scared- really scared- you have to call it, okay?”

He dips his head down, capturing Oikawa’s lips in a deep kiss, goading him into getting rough. He gets what he wants almost immediately, Oikawa’s teeth joining the mix and biting bruisingly at his lips. Sugawara pulls back to catch his breath before long, squirming in his lap.

“I will.”

He won’t need to though, he can do this. Wants this so badly, wants to feel good and make Oikawa feel good. He can do this.

Oikawa takes his words as permission to continue, hands rougher now as they shove his clothes out of the way. He wastes no time in getting them both stripped, but then stops before doing anything else, speaking against his throat as he marks the skin there.

“Do you have lube?”

He bites his lip at the implication, gestures towards the nightstand. Oikawa grins, reaching back and fishing around for it. When he finds it, he pops the cap and squirts some onto his fingers. He pushes Sugawara back until he’s lying on the bed, crawling over him and dropping down to nibble at his lips.

“Good?”

Sugawara huffs, but nods, hands finding their way to Oikawa’s hair. He tangles his fingers in it, following him as he starts kissing his way down his chest. It’s a nice feeling, like he’s being pampered. His hips twitch up when Oikawa reaches them, pausing a moment to suck a dark hickey over the bone, before going lower and swallowing his now hard dick down his throat.

It’s. A lot, all at once. But Sugawara can handle it, clenches his fingers tight in Oikawa’s soft hair and moans at the stimulation. Oikawa hums around him and when he feels fingers brush against his hole, he tenses up. They don’t retreat though, resting there until he relaxes enough for one of them to push in. He whines at the slight stretch, one hand moving up to cover his mouth.

Oikawa doesn’t seem to like that, pulling off his cock slowly and scraping his teeth against the head. He shudders, toes curling.

“Don’t hold your voice in, Suga.”

The hesitant, worried tone from earlier is gone, replaced now by one Sugawara is more accustomed to. He’s in control now, voice steady and calm with a commanding undertone that leaves Sugawara desperate to listen to his every word.

His hand withdraws, and Oikawa’s lips return to his dick, mouthing up his shaft before taking him back into his throat. He pushes another finger in alongside the other, wiggling them around and thrusting slowly, searching for-

Oh, there it is. Sugawara keens when Oikawa’s fingers brush his prostate, and Oikawa pulls back again, grinning predatorily. He presses right up against it, watching Sugawara’s face as he does. He’s not gentle in the least, his fingers jabbing roughly against it and making his vision spot over with pleasure.

It’s good, so good, and he’s making so much noise, and for once he can not care, they have the whole house to themselves. But then Oikawa is pulling his fingers out, and Sugawara whines at the empty feeling, until he opens his eyes fully again and sees him moving up over him, pouring more lube onto his fingers and slicking himself up and then he’s pushing into Sugawara. It’s a stretch, not having been fully prepped, but it’s not as bad as before.

Before, when Oikawa tied him down and handcuffed him and-

Those thoughts come rushing into his mind as Oikawa seats himself fully inside, head dropping down onto Sugawara’s shoulder as he waits for him to adjust. He gives it a few moments, long enough for the anxiety to settle itself in Sugawara’s chest, a tight knot of it that grows with every thrust of Oikawa into him. He’s moaning still, sounds escaping him unwillingly as he tries to settle his thoughts, tries to calm down so he can keep going, but Oikawa’s hand is on his dick, lips at his jaw, marking him and making a mess of him.

He can’t. It’s. Too much.

It’s all flooding his brain. The handcuffs, biting into his skin. The marks are still there. They’re fading, but they’re still there, a reminder when he sees them. He looks at his wrists now, as his hands fly up to Oikawa’s shoulders. Not pushing, just. There.

He looks at them and can’t stop thinking of where they came from. Can’t forget the overwhelming sensation of hands on him, grabbing and pulling and shoving and-

Oikawa’s lips are suddenly at his ear, and his teeth scrape against the skin, just like before, just like last time, and it’s too much.

_“You brought this on yourself, next time maybe you’ll be good.”_

He can’t breathe.

His hands push, nails digging into Oikawa’s skin, he has to say it.

But he can’t, he told himself he wouldn’t, Oikawa will be so upset. Upset with himself, maybe upset with Sugawara. Disappointed.

He has to though, Oikawa told him he’d stop, so he has to, has to say, say it, red, red, _red-_

“Red!” The words tumbles from his lips, and then he can’t stop, “Red, red, please, I-I can’t, I’m sorry, red, I _c-can’t_.”

The thrusts come to a stop, and when he opens his eyes, Oikawa is frozen above him, eyes wide.

“Suga-”

He sucks in a breath, shakes his head. His eyes squeeze shut again and tears drip down his cheeks.

“I’m s-sorry.”

Oikawa shushes him immediately, and he shakes underneath of him, crying softly. He winces when Oikawa pulls out of him, and is surprised when he suddenly grabs him, rolling them over and pulling Sugawara on top of him. He holds him close, kissing his face and running his fingers all over him, until his tears stop.

He doesn’t even need to speak for Oikawa to know what he’s thinking.

“It’s okay, Koushi, I’ve got you.” He whispers. “I stopped, I told you I would, and I did. You’re gonna be okay.”

He nods, rests his cheek on Oikawa’s chest. Takes deep, steadying breaths.

“Thank you.” He says quietly, fingers clenching against his skin.

He catches sight of his wrists again in this position, trembling a little until Oikawa covers them with his hands, kissing the top of his head. This is what he'd needed. He's... shaken up by it all, still, but glad that he pushed for it. Glad that they at least tried. He doesn't want to be afraid to try it, wants to be able to touch him and be touched without thinking about what happened before. He knows it's going to take a lot, it won't be better immediately. With time, it'll stop. When his body is healed, his mind will do the same, and he'll be okay again. 

“Let's go back to sleep, star.” The cheesy nickname makes him smile a bit, and he nods.

They leave the light on, and Sugawara is grateful for it. He’s restless for a while, but eventually exhaustion hits him and he closes his eyes, listening to the sound of Oikawa breathing.

“I… I love you, Tooru.” He says without thinking about it.

He’s pretty sure Oikawa is asleep already, until a hand brushes up his back.

“I love you too, Koushi.”

They just need time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please please leave me some love in the comments!! i could really use some feedback!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Sugawara wakes up from dreamless sleep, and Oikawa is gone. He starts to panic, sitting up fast, eyes wild, until he sees the note sitting on the pillow beside him. He picks it up hurriedly, reading it and letting out a relieved sigh. He’s just making breakfast. 

He lays it back down on the bed, sitting there a moment and thinking. Remembering. Last night, early early this morning. He feels conflicted still. Anxious, as usual. 

The door suddenly opens up, startling him. 

“Oh, good morning!” Oikawa smiles brightly at him, crossing the floor and bending down to kiss his cheek. “Did you sleep okay? You seemed fine when I left, so I thought it would be okay to go make us breakfast…” 

He looks a little worried underneath his calm smile, but Sugawara shakes his head, “I’m okay. No nightmare.” This time. 

He swivels around in the bed and takes the hand Oikawa offers to him, standing up. He winces a little at the slight twinge of sting in his backside, but otherwise ignores it and follows Oikawa to the kitchen. It smells amazing, and he’s very excited to see two plates of very large, very delicious looking waffles sitting on the table. His mouth is watering already. 

They sit down and eat, quietly for the most part, chatting a little between bites. When they finish, they stay in their pajamas and move to the couch, curling up under a big heavy blanket and turning on the tv. Oikawa puts it on the sci-fi channel, looks interested, but Sugawara drags his attention far away from it. 

He settles himself above Oikawa and drowns himself in his mouth, lips pressing together insistently. He’s more excited than he probably should be, growing hard against Oikawa’s hip at the feeling of their tongues twining together, teeth scraping against lips and oh those lips are moving down, down to his neck, and-

“Ah, Oikawa!” He moans, hips rutting against Oikawa’s, can feel he’s hard too. 

Oikawa grins against his skin, sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on Sugawara’s jaw and presses his thigh between his legs. Sugawara is embarrassingly close, fingers clawing at Oikawa’s shoulders, he’s good, so good, so close-

Oikawa stops. 

Lips leave his neck, his leg draws back, and Sugawara outright  _ whines _ , glaring down at him. 

“Why did you stop? That was good.”

Oikawa is flushed, and he’s definitely  _ very  _ hard, and it leaves Sugawara very confused. 

“Suga, love, last night you freaked out, you freaked me out, you-”

“I want this.” He huffs, “Last night was different. I was already tense, I was tired, and we- we went too far. Too fast. It reminded me of… before.”

Oikawa frowns up at him, “You still can’t even admit it, can you? Can’t say it.” He sees the confusion, continues, “What I did to you.”

Oh. 

Oikawa’s bringing it up again, but he’s right, he hasn’t said it, can’t even think it. Doesn’t want to, it makes it too real. He just wants to forget and move past it. 

“Y-you… I don’t have to- I’m fine, I’m moving past what-”

“Suga, I raped you.”

He sucks in a breath, eyes wide and head shaking, “No, no, you didn’t, it was just-”

Oikawa cups his cheeks with both hands, forcing him to look at him. 

“ _ Koushi _ . I did, I raped you,” His voice is shaky from the strain of holding back the tears threatening to spill at the word, at the admission of how he hurt Sugawara, “I raped you and I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I’m so- so sorry, I would take it back in a heartbeat, I don’t know why you’re even with me, how you can stand me, I  _ hurt _ you, I-”

Sugawara stops him with lips on his, just a harsh press, to shut him up. Oikawa melts into it, and it feels strange, to be the one to be calming him down, stopping his sudden panic, rather than the one panicking, but he feels secure. 

“You don’t have to forgive yourself, because I do.” He says quietly, “I-I’m with you still, because I need you. I can’t- I can’t survive without you.”

He can’t, really, truly can’t. He’d felt so alone for so long before meeting Oikawa. Watching Daichi every day with Yui, until finally he had someone he could trust, someone to stay by his side, even when Daichi told him the truth, told him he wanted to be with him, not Yui. And then again when it all came crashing down, Oikawa was there to hold him. 

“I love you.” He finally adds, “I love you and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

Oikawa sighs, staring up at him a moment before dropping his head down against his chest. 

“I don’t deserve you.” He mumbles. 

Sugawara smiles, resting his chin on top of his head. 

“You deserve the world.”

Oikawa doesn’t miss a beat, “You are my world.”

He blushes, unable to help the grin. They'll be okay. 

\--- 

It takes them a few more tries, but by the time Sugawara’s family returns home for the remainder of their break, they're mostly back to normal. Oikawa is gentler than Sugawara would like at first, but he understands, knows that they have to go slow. 

They have sex and sometimes it’s too much, but Sugawara doesn’t have to stop him again, just lets him know to slow down. Oikawa listens, is patient as can be. 

Sugawara’s nightmares stop. 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know your thoughts on what's going to happen, i may consider them while writing!!


End file.
